Ña Annastasia showing the abonos verde carnavalia intercropped with mandioca (This photo is completely unrelated to this blog post... but I like it anyways). |
I looked at my facebook page recently, and I realized just
how… well, gay it had become. Well over
half the links I post are about equal rights, and lgbt news stories. It didn’t used to be that way. In the States, due to my open-minded
community, loving family and accepting college town, being queer was not
something I thought about that much. It
simply wasn’t a big deal. I rarely considered if and how being queer influenced
my interactions with people, my safety, or my future. Liking women (and men) was part of who I was,
but it wasn’t a big part. Occasionally I might sign a petition or speak up in a
conversation if it seemed necessary, but all-in-all I was very casual in my
lgbt identity. Because it was rarely something I felt ostracized for, it was
never something about which I sought support.
But as a Peace Corps volunteer, I have to be closeted in site in order
to productively do the development work I came here to do. So now, perhaps due to being closeted, if I’m
lucky enough to have an internet signal, I find myself trolling Huffington Post
Gay news section for hopeful or shocking news stories. I have started to closely follow equal rights
issues in the states (ex: repeal of DADT, North Carolina amendment banning
same-sex marriage, President Obama public support for marriage equality). I
have become more interested in the advancement of equal rights and acceptance because
I now feel the lack of them. Ironically,
having to hide my sexuality has made my sexuality more central to my identity.
One of the absolute most important reasons to be out, is
that people begin to revise their bigoted opinions, when they realize they
actually personally know someone who is gay.
When it comes to votes, and rights, they realize that their actions will
directly affect someone one they know as a person, not just as a
sexuality. One of the questions I
struggled with for a while, was why doesn’t this apply in Paraguay? Shouldn’t I open here for the same reason I’m
open in Indiana?
I realized that it doesn’t apply because as an agriculture
volunteer, I am here to work with everyone
who has degraded soil on their farm. Bigots deserve access to development
workers too. There are already so
many barriers to over come to get someone to try something new on their farm,
why add something else? I’m not
Catholic, but I don’t advertise that to the community for the same reason. In order to work with as many people as I
can, I want to present as few barriers as possible. If I were to come out at the end of my
service, or several years from now when I come back for a visit, the community
will know me as a person. They will know
the work I did. They will have to
reconcile, the person they know with the sexuality they object to.
By not being out, I am able to reach more people and be more
effective. But it means I am not able to
be a resource for the lgbt youth and adults that live in the community. No one is out, but I have my suspicions about
a few folks. I can’t be a role model for
them, because they don’t know what we have in common. I can’t come out to them, because it could
compromise my position in the community (one well-worn strategy for deflecting
suspicion off your self is to become an out-spoken homophobic ass (ex: Ted
Haggard, George Rekers, etc). This is
the hardest part about not being out in site.
There is gay
rights movement in Paraguay. Things are
changing especially amongst the youth and in the larger towns and cities. But out here in the campo, there is still a
long way to go. Poco a poco, I guess.
I am about to head back to the States for a much needed
vacation. I had heard it said that
things pick up in the second year, and that is definitely what has happened for
me. I am involved in things at site. There are things I wish I spent less time
doing (English classes), and things I wish I spent more time doing (abonos
verdes, gardens). But I’m just glad to
feel kind of busy for once. Every so
often there are mile stones, that I don’t always write about. For example, an old host brother of mine,
shyly ask me for information on STI and condoms. I was delighted that he trusted me enough to
ask for the information, and did my best to bombard him with the information I
had (especially sense health isn’t my sector). Its been 20 months since I came to Paraguay and
I have undergone many changes here. I know
my two week vacation is not enough time to really find out, but wonder how
those changes will effect my interaction with American culture.
See you soon America.
(Sorry, this is not my best written or focused blog
post. I promise I’m full of ligament
excuses. But I figured I should post it
now, and take advantage of the good internet while I could).